Hahahahaha! – In Case You’ve Forgotten How

What’s Cooking? Pasta with Clams – Two Ways

Today’s image is from a Shannon Martin greeting card, the full and hilarious collection of which –

 including note pads, luggage tags, and cocktail napkins – can be found at this website. 

Are you tired of worrying or obsessing about the election – from either side? The other night, after watching another episode of Jeopardy and contemplating our choices of the various series we’ve followed, my sweet husband said, “I’d just like to watch something light. Without a murder.”

As we browsed our collection of Roku channels for a movie, I spotted Moneyball. Which, even though we’ve both seen it, seemed just right: no one dies, there’s no violence (unless it’s when Billy Beane throws a chair through a window), a few players get traded, the divorce in it seems amicable, and the story is true and actually interesting. About halfway through it, my mate said, “You know, I’d forgotten how much fun this one is.”

I think we’re all in need of a break – from Covid-19 news, election news, climate change news, Supreme Court news, .... As an antidote to reality, since March, the Sunday New York Times has been running a section called At Home, with puzzles, craft ideas (mostly for making things out of newsprint), recipes, and thoughts of what to do each week to take your mind off whatever. This past week, that included an essay on the health benefits from laughter.

The article quotes Dr. Michael Miller, a cardiologist at the University of Maryland School of Medicine in Baltimore, who says that laughter causes the body to release nitric oxide, a chemical that relaxes blood vessels, reduces blood pressure, and decreases clotting. Other salient research notes that laughter improves short-term memory – as well as the capacity to learn – in older adults; it reduces the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline, and increases life-affirming endorphins. Most relevant today, it helps people stay resilient in the face of troubling circumstances.

Also, if you laugh more, the “mirror neurons” in the brains of those around you kick in and they will also laugh. A win-win – improving your environment and your health at the same time.

If you’re having a hard time getting started, here are a few suggestions:

■ Watch the 1963 original production of The Pink Panther (streaming on Max Go, Cinemax Amazon Channel, DIRECTV);

■ Read A Walk in the Woods, by Bill Bryson;

■ Call your 6-year-old grandson and have him tell you his latest knock-knock jokes.

* * *

Now that you’re at least smiling, here are a couple of fast and nutritious paths to a delicious pasta dinner with canned clams and without a lot of work. I see that look -- keep reading.

One of my mother’s specialties – and there weren’t too many – was what our family always referred to as Clam Spaghetti. It seemed exotic – probably because clams aren’t much of a Southern dish, and in those days, fresh clams were generally NOT something you could get at your grocery store. And even though you can now find them at many grocery stores and fish markets, buy them only if you know you’ll be cooking them by tomorrow.

What if you just decided that’s what you want for dinner? Maybe you’re just looking for something fast yet not fast food. Try the canned version. After a bit of research (the KG’s fave activity), I’ve learned that:

■ The canning process cooks the clams, so all you really have to do is heat them.

■ Like tuna, canned clams keep forever – ok, maybe not forever, but my sources say 3-5 years is the general guideline, and even longer if the can hasn’t been damaged.

■ They’re impressively cheap – in a cursory survey online, I found whole clams at 21 cents/ounce, and chopped clams for 26 cents/ounce.

■ Also like tuna, canned clams are a terrific source of lean protein, rich in vitamins, minerals, and Omega-3 fatty acids. They promote sexual health (!); and have been found to have cancer-preventing properties. So... no cancer and lots of sex -- what’s not to like?

My mother kept cans of chopped clams in her pantry, and that’s what I’ve used for years. But in shopping for these recipes, the Kitchen Goddess found canned whole baby clams, which she likes a bit more for the texture. And let us be honest -- anything with the word “fancy” on the label is a draw for her.

What you’re getting in the can are generally Atlantic surf clams – sweet in flavor and with a firm texture, and you can find chopped clams in almost any grocery store. Look for products from the U.S. Tinned whole clams are brinier and more delicate than chopped clams, so salt your dishes accordingly. Apparently, you can also find jarred whole tiny clams from Italy, but they have thus far eluded the KG. 

The original authors of the two recipes that follow both claim to need less than a half hour. But remember: they have minions. The KG needs a good 10-15 minutes just to get the garlic peeled and chopped. Nevertheless, both dishes can be accomplished in an amazingly short time, including the search through your pantry. And they’re both well worth the effort. Just add a salad and some garlic bread.

Kitchen Goddess note on the ingredients: (1) Both of these recipes called for 1 pound of pasta in the original version, but the Goddess thinks that’s way too much pasta, so she has scaled back both recipes to 12 ounces. You, of course, are free to use as much as you like. (2) And both original recipes called for red pepper flakes (a.k.a, crushed red pepper). As frequent readers will know, the KG much prefers Aleppo pepper for its more complex flavor profile. It’s not as hot as red pepper flakes, but you can always add more, or even add red pepper flakes; and in the meantime, you will have a huge difference in flavor. The KG has purchased Aleppo pepper from Burma Spice and Penzey’s, and there are lots of other places. Bon Appetít calls it “about half as hot as ...crushed red chile flakes... and easily twice as flavorful. Like salt, Aleppo-style pepper is a flavor enhancer. It marries slow-building heat with earthy, cumin-y undertones and a little hit of fruity tang..., with a super-savory finish reminiscent of sun-dried tomatoes.” The Kitchen Goddess has been at the forefront of this wave and hopes you will all jump on so she can stop explaining it.

Spicy Clam Pasta With Bacon, Peas and Basil

Adapted from David Tanis in The New York Times

Who doesn’t like bacon or pesto? So bacon and pesto are bellissimo together. And the peas? Why not?

Serves 4.

Ingredients

1 cup basil leaves, loosely packed, plus some pretty ones reserved for garnish

1 cup Italian parsley leaves, loosely packed

2 small garlic cloves, minced

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

¼ cup plus 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

6 ounces (6-8 slices) bacon, cut into ½-inch pieces [KG note: Even better, if you have thick-cut bacon, slice it into lardons, which are ¼-inch pieces]

2 (10-ounce) cans baby clams, drained

½ -1 teaspoon Aleppo pepper, or for more heat, ½ teaspoon red pepper flakes

1 cup frozen peas, thawed

12 ounces spaghetti

Lemon wedges

Directions

In the bowl of a food processor, pulse the basil, parsley and garlic together to a grainy consistency. Wipe down the sides of the bowl and add ½ teaspoon kosher salt, 8-10 grinds of black pepper, and ¼ cup oil. Process until you have a bright green purée.

Start the pasta water with about 4 quarts of water and 2 tablespoons kosher salt. [Another KG note: No iodized table salt, please – it gives the pasta a bitter taste. If you use Diamond Crystal kosher salt, use the 2 tablespoons noted above; if you have Morton Kosher salt, use only 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon. Why? Because Diamond salt is flaky, irregular crystals, while Morton’s is round and pebbly, so is saltier by volume. Isn’t knowledge wonderful?]

Cook the bacon without extra fat in a high-sided skillet over medium heat for 5-8 minutes, until browned and crisp but not hard. Remove with a slotted spoon and set aside. Pour off all but 1-2 teaspoons of the fat – just enough to coat the bottom of the pan.

Increase the heat to medium-high and add the remaining 2 tablespoons of olive oil and the Aleppo pepper (or red pepper flakes). Cook for about a minute to let the Aleppo pepper bloom, then add the clams and the peas for another 30-45 seconds, stirring and coating the clams well with the flavored oil. Season to taste with salt and pepper, then turn off the heat and, if the pasta is not yet al dente, cover the pan with a lid.

I added the clams before the peas -- this time. Next time, will add them together.

Boil the pasta until slightly underdone (al dente), then drain it and add it to the pan with the clam sauce. Turn on the heat to medium-high and stir all together. Add 2-3 tablespoons of pasta water, if the dish seems dry. Stir in the basil-parsley purée and toss well. 

Serve topped with the bacon and the reserved basil leaves. Include lemon wedges.

* * *

Linguine with Lemon-Butter Clam Sauce

Adapted from Colu Henry in The New York Times

Fast in the making, also light and flavorful. Lemon and butter are a classic combo.

Serves 4.

Ingredients

Kosher salt

12 ounces linguine or other long pasta, such as spaghetti or capellini

¼ cup extra-virgin olive oil, plus more for serving (optional)

5 garlic cloves, thinly sliced

1 teaspoon Aleppo pepper, or ½ teaspoon red-pepper flakes

½ teaspoon dried oregano

½ cup dry vermouth or dry white wine [KG much prefers vermouth]

2 (10-ounce) cans whole baby clams, drained*

10-12 ounces clam juice*

freshly ground black pepper

2 tablespoons unsalted butter

lemon zest (from 1 to 2 lemons – okay, more like 2 lemons)

½ cup chopped Italian parsley

Lemon wedges, for serving

*A 10-ounce can of clams contains 4 ounces of clams and 6 ounces of brine. If you have no clam juice, you can use the can’s contents without draining, but the Kitchen Goddess – no surprise here – prefers to use clam juice, which contains actual clam broth, for a richer flavor you can’t get with just the brine. The most widely recommended brand is from Bar Harbor. And yes, the bottles are 8 ounces, so you’ll have half a bottle left, but you can add it to any other seafood dish or a Bloody Mary (bonus!). Or freeze it for as long as you want.

Directions

The author of this recipe says “While the pasta cooks, make your sauce.” That's so you know how fast/easy it is to do. But the Kitchen Goddess’s blood pressure goes up just thinking about having to get the sauce done before the pasta finishes cooking. If you haven’t got everything for the sauce ready to go, at least get the water to a low simmer and add the pasta when the sauce is ready.

Bring a large pot (4 quarts) of salted water to a boil. Add the pasta and cook according to package instructions until not quite al dente (about 2 minutes short – it will finish cooking in the sauce). Reserve ½ cup pasta water, then drain the pasta.

For the sauce, heat the oil in a deep-sided 12-inch skillet over medium. Add the garlic, Aleppo pepper (or red-pepper flakes), and oregano, and cook for 1-2 minutes, until the garlic turns pale golden. Add the vermouth/wine and clam juice and simmer until reduced by half, 3 to 4 minutes. The sauce will be slightly syrupy. Remove from heat and stir in the clams (they’ll also get heated by the pasta). Taste and season with salt and pepper as needed.

You can tell the sauce is syrupy when you can draw a line across the bottom of the pan

 and it stays open for a few seconds.

Add the butter and lemon zest to the skillet, stirring until the butter is melted, then add the pasta into the skillet as well. Toss the pasta in the skillet until it is glossy with sauce. If needed, add ¼ cup reserved pasta water. Stir in half the parsley.

Serve pasta topped with a thin drizzle of olive oil (I found this unnecessary, but the recipe author included it, so I offer it as optional), and the remaining parsley. Serve lemon wedges along side or at the table.

Mangia!